For me, it’s been nearly 29 years since my mother’s murder. I was a 20-year-old college student, and I wish I would have known all my feelings were valid and that no one’s grief is the same. Two people can deal with the same loss differently, and that’s alright. It’s ok to handle grief at your own pace and not by someone else’s expectations. What’s right for someone else may not be right for you.
Setting boundaries is also important. It is ok to say, “I am not ready to discuss, ” if you don’t want to talk about your loved one’s death or the details of their murder that people seem to want to know. There are still things after 29 years I still don’t want to know. I know how she died and the crimes this person was charged with, but I don’t need to know the fine details where other people grieving their loved ones may need or want to know that information.
Loss is loss, but losing someone by murder is so irrational to understand.