It’s Okay
By Joan Gilbert
Here’s an example. My family was fortunate to install a memorial bench for Jaron at the Boyce Thompson Arboretum. For many years I visited every month and wrote reflections in a journal while sitting on his bench. I loved those moments of peace. What I wrote didn’t matter – some days I just made observations of what was happening at the Arboretum as the seasons changed. Some days I wrote a memory I had of Jaron. I was content.
As the years passed, I realized I was visiting less often – every other month, sometimes skipping a couple of months. I also wrote less and less in my journal. At first, these changes worried me a bit. Was I not being true to the special remembrances of Jaron that I had established? And then I would hear another HSI friend mention that their rituals also changed over time. It’s okay, they reassured me.
Holiday rituals may be the most challenging to manage after the death of our loved ones. Our families and friends often have expectations for how certain traditions should continue. All of us at HSI know that nothing feels the same, and what was once a cherished tradition may now feel out of place or even hurtful if our loved one can’t be a part of it. It’s okay to let those expectations go. We may or may not replace them with something new.